Patterns. Soft shadows combining to make static fleeting memories of times now lost. Links once strong now severed with age and corrosive words. Excitement for the slightest smile passes through the cracks showing in aging façades, losing their enthusiasm as the patterns fade.
Gone. Tastes of laughter so succulent and enticing once upon a time now flavoured vanilla. The fast beating heart thrusting lusty thoughts of life and love but a distant memory, a pattern, a shadow now gone.
Forever. Remnants of who we are remaining like flotsam in an overpopulated river praying for our removal. Young eyes watching, learning then dismissing our entitlement to life, to love – to be. In the end the days are counted till we depart as the days were counted for our entry to this world. A comical circle of shadows painted in a pattern of memories that will fade with time, forever.
I’m sitting here thinking about our mortality. We are trudging around the life-long treadmill only to find a weary end to our existence. If we are lucky we get in a few years of happiness before the light blots out. But, how many of us achieve our dreams and expectations before this happens? How many of us reach the plateau of contentment before the fall? There are millions of sites dedicated to giving you instructions on how to improve your life, change your habits, eat your way to a healthier lifestyle, reach your goals by placing you feathers in the positions A-B-C! Whilst we thresh out the bullshit trying to find the right solution, maybe it’s sitting right there, next to us, waiting to be noticed like a wallflower at the dance.
Receiving news that your friend might have the big C can squash your 2016 positive parade faster than a cruncher squashing old scrap in a junkyard. Add to that the the fact that her mother is slowly fading and there’s nothing we can do about it, and she is the primary care giver since the rest of the family aren’t that interested. It’s a real humdinger of a situation. Happy new year! Let’s find that eternal happiness whilst we wade through this shitty situation! My take on life is…the storms are going to come, the landscape is going to change. I either stand fast and fight or I get out my waders, my wellies, my overcoat and prepare to hunker down until it passes. Emotional outbursts will be allowed, just a few, but there’s no room for sappy behaviour until it passes. My friends react in different ways. Some cry and want me to cry along, others understand that I don’t tap into that side – it stays internal until it I can’t contain it anymore and it oozes out. My friend seems to fall under that category and we get on well. All I can offer is support and love as she closes the latch on her next ride to hell and back. Maybe it will be enough, maybe not. I don’t know.
So, back to my “how to find the end of the rainbow before you die” spiel. It’s simple. There is no rainbow. There aren’t any Fix-It Felix makeovers that will last. It’s mind over matter. I have known a few bloggers since I’ve joined this bandwagon with such severe sicknesses, I cannot even fathom their positivity. But, they are positive! They send out messages of hope, love, humour and sincerity. On the blackest of days, they can get a little dark. I like that. That for me is the honesty behind it. Life can’t be rosy everyday. I salute those bloggers, my friends and all of you for living through your diverse tragedies of life. Forget the self-help new year new you crap. Celebrate yourself instead and what you’ve overcome because I can guarantee more adversity is coming your way; more hope, more happiness is coming too. Be brave enough to grab them whilst you’re wading. Remember, we aren’t going to be here forever and there’s always a break in the storm. Breathe in that fresh air when it stops and clean out your worry bags because more is bound to come. That’s our reality – our mortality.
I’ll be thinking of you and I hope you will spare a thought for me as we cheer on our mortality and ride it like its our favourite bike (I chose to use a less offensive analogy there!). Those are my thoughts for today.
Posted in Weekly Trail
Tagged #SundayBlogShare, blogging, blogs, death, friendship, happiness, health, love, mortality, security, thoughts
“Sometimes I can feel my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”—Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close