Free Writing – Day Four

Today, I need no trigger words. The words uttered by those around me are enough to trigger my thoughts, sending them into disarray. Decisions need to be made and I’m holding onto the past like a lifeline, afraid to let go and embrace the future. But I must. Those I serve have become monsters of themselves, forgetting the line you don’t cross in loyalty yet baring teeth and patting backs in false embraces. I shun that look of surprise on their faces when they feign innocence. Leave that to the babes in our care. Instead, face the consequences of years of neglect. What team? What family? What derision I hear when those phrases are mentioned. Before, I half agreed, trying to reason out both sides. Now, clarity has slapped me in the face and I’m awake. I’m awake to the problems others have screamed for a long time. I’m aware of the double standards for those under the wing of protection – the favourites – and the rest of us invisible allies waiting in the wings until we are necessary. Suddenly our invisibility cloaks are whipped away and that friendly voice we hear is directed at us; sweetly coated arsenic words requesting our help. Will there be any reward for this? Absolutely not! It’s too tedious to find ways to cope with requests so outrageous as proper remuneration for tasks done outside our fields of competence. And yet, once done, we become invisible again to those soothsayers. No more. Not me. I’m done.