Some more golden oldies for you this afternoon.. I am suffering from writicitis.. a combination of word blindness and arthritis… my latest chapter has a mind of its own so I am off to have some fun…….
Never look a gift Porsche in the mouth…..
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to fuss,
“Where did you get that car???!!!”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.”
So the parents began to panic and asked.
“Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. “I don’t know her name; they just
She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh, my goodness,” moaned the mother to the boy’s father, “John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.”
So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom
she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know what was going on.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to
Hawaii with his secretary.
The secretary took his money and left him after they had arrived.
He called me and claimed he was robbed and stranded.
He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
- If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.
- Going to a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- It isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.
- Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- If you must choose between two evils, chose the one that you’ve never tried before.
These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree andmisplaced his hip.
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the
Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know
what size she wear.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday
paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with
Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
And to finish off … I wonder if these dogs would be more enthusiastic if they were enjoying our heat.