Advice

Giving advice to a friend is as dangerous as loading a gun and pointing it at your head. Your opinions are loaded with your own personal regrets, flavoured with your life experiences and coloured with your jaded view of the world.

What makes your advice relevant to your friend’s pain and need for direction? Your own experience in the same vein? Does that mean you know it all or could give better life choices for him or her. Does it take in their character and natural response to things that happen in his or her life?

I wonder.

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14 responses to “Advice

  1. “The only good thing to do with good advice is pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself.”

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  2. I think the advice we give is tempered by love and an understanding of our friends’ lives – a judgement call. Our opinions will always be coloured by how we see the world, but I think, in terms of compassion, we can attempt to walk in another’s shoes and share what we know. I always try to listen instead of imparting advice though 🙂

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    • I always fear the advice I’m giving is too black and white and sometimes friends are looking for the grey.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I suppose if you talk about options, lay things out for them and help to talk through consequences honestly, they’ll hopefully be able to pick out the best solution for them. I guess it depends on the advice. A friend once asked me whether I thought she should get a divorce, and what it was like for me. That was one of the toughest conversations of my life! I started with my experience – told her the honest truth; the good the bad and the ugly. Then I told her that only she could decide whether she wanted to salvage the relationship, but that I would be there to listen if she needed me. It’s not easy when people put you on the spot, and everyone has a different experience, not to mention what goes on behind closed doors. Isn’t there a saying about never giving advice to friends!

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      • Exactly lol! That is the inspiration behind this post. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ouch! I can appreciate your dilemma 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I think that like with any criticism or advice, you hear what resonates with you and you shelve the rest 🙂 And even times when you dismiss it right away, if it keeps coming back to you, then you know you’re paying attention to it for a reason.

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  4. Very true. I am battling this right now with my best friend of 12 yrs. She has been with her man for 12 yrs, I set them up. She has 5 kids 1 prior to meeting him. Out of her 4 kids only 2 are his but they call him dad til they fight and he leaves then he only takes his 2 kids. 6 months ago they broke up but he was still in the home. She met a man at the bar who was in the area on job assignment. She asked him to marry her 2 weeks later. She kicks the boyfriend out and continues on with the man she just met. She married him 2 weeks later. I begged n pleaded at the wedding (in bar) not to do this because this was a good man willing to give up his career to be with her and play house. She married him. He left 2 weeks later back on the road to work. She moved her baby dad back in. Her husband got wind and quit his job and came back. She contacted me begging me to allow her husband to stay at my house until he gets a place. I said yes because this man is 1200 miles from home and knows nobody here. Her behavior drove him crazy and his phycosis and anxiety ski rocketed. At that point I couldnt do it nomore. I kicked him out. My friend had him bouncing from hotel to hotel seeing him in the am while her kids dad worked and with the dad at night. The husband called me one day and said he was going to kill her and himself. I went to her place immediately. When I walked in she layed her drunk ass on the couch saying I dont care…whatever…do what your going to do. He was crying and yelling and said he was going back to his hotel and was going to kill himself. As my friend is saying go ahead be a man I interupted and told her husband to get his shoes on. She said yeah get the hell out of here. I said it again and he turned to me and said why??? Where are we going? At that point I informed him that I was taking him to Prarie Psych and he is going to volunterily check himself in because he needs to get help. I told my friend she was wrong for what she has done to this man. I informed him in front of her that if he gets help I will take him back in but he can not drink and must get on depressents. He went in for 7 days and came out a new man. But I see him starting to slip in his behavior with his wife when she calls and says purposeful hatred things. She has went as low as to send him pics of her and the kids dad in bed and then call him drunk later the next day appoligizing and blahblah. I truly do not know what more I can do for him. Iam afraid she gonna put him over the edge one day if he doesnt stop holding on to someone he never had. Any suggestions?? I have blocked her from my fbook and refuse her calls. Is this wrong of me?

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    • This is absolutely awful. Are there any agencies that could maybe step in to help the family? This is a situation that needs professional help as there are children involved. I hope you are keeping yourself and your family safe whilst assisting your friend.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah my kids come first and then myself. He is getting help n is on anti depressent n anxiety med. He just got his job today so im trying to find him a place to live. My kids n I will always come first at our home for their home is their safe haven. Thanx so much.

        Liked by 1 person

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