Let’s Talk About Love

What if love isn’t so straight forward? What happens when the man of your dreams turns back into a toad? You’re left with a broken heart, several kilos of chocolate depression that turns into fat misery whilst he waltzes off with his new love. What then?

Nothing seems sure these days. Relationships are so fickle, it feels as though they should be date stamped with an expiry date like all the other commodities we stuff into our lives. Online dating sites should make their users sign agreements to date their person of choice at least fifty times before dumping them for a cuter model. That would ensure some commitment, albeit forced. Maybe it would teach people to choose better, not be so superficial when looking for a partner and take the time to get to know each other. But, even then there is the curve ball – the one that strikes you when you’re not looking…crazy infatuation!

Here’s the skinny. A young woman shared her tale with me and I’d love your opinion.

You’re a focused, strong willed, strong minded woman who would never cheat with a man already in a relationship. In fact, you despise people like that and tell it to their faces. One unsuspecting day, you meet a guy who doesn’t clock on your radar but through pure chance, you start talking. Working together and socialising forces a friendship that might not have existed before and soon enough you realise you have the same dreams, goals, objectives in life. Just when you’re about to tell your friends that you’ve found you’re MacDreamy, he mentions his girlfriend!

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Sanity screams, “WALK AWAY! WALK AWAY,” but a little voice inside, the teeniest tiniest voice mentions the fact that you’re just friends. Nothing is going on. You’re work colleagues and of course you’ll get a chance to meet his girlfriend. After weeks of waiting, you don’t. You find out he’s been in a long distance relationship with her for a while now and he’s not thinking of marriage.

Now what do you do?

Walk away from the man of your dreams or fight to win him over for yourself?

Being the self righteous woman who tries to do no wrong, you tell it to him straight and threaten to walk away. He points out that you’re just friends so what’s the matter with that and the slow spiral begins. Coffees in the office kitchen turn into drinks after work with colleagues and soon you’re making plans to meet for dinner – with other friends of course (on occasion). The reality is you’re spending so much time together you can’t imagine not messaging him with a funny quote in the middle of the night of waking up to a morning greeting from him and a caring message to brighten the middle of your day.

Does anyone else see the blurred line?

Boundaries are tested and a kiss or two escapes the net. You’re drawn to his caring, intelligent nature and thrive on his attention to detail in your life and work. He’s fast becoming someone you can rely on and it feels good to share your future dreams, which he adds to with his own dreams including you.

Ding Dong! A Visitor Calls.

Things come to a head when his girlfriend makes plans to visit and he suddenly becomes distant and less engaged in this “friendship”. You decide to broach the subject of your crazy non-feelings again and suddenly break down, asking him to choose you, pick you, love you or bugger off and stop acting like a boyfriend.

He apologises for leading you on and agrees to let you go, pleading forgiveness and saying how much he will miss you. He tells you how much harder it’s going to be as time goes on, but by that time you’re not listening. Your heart is broken.

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Where do you go from here?

I would love to hear both sides, a man’s perspective and woman’s perspective to how to deal with this.

Pics courtesy of inspireleads.com, torange.us and nataliewall pics

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10 responses to “Let’s Talk About Love

  1. There is no better feeling than to fall in love. It blocks all reason. Strange as it may seem, from a guy’s pov at least, building love for one does not mean diminishing love for another.

    I would say I would never purposefully lead a woman on. But then, sometimes there is chemistry and, though I wouldn’t try to push anything, when I’m with her, I might not push back either. I have more female friends than male and I’m not dating any of them, so, if I get a little closer to one… Sometimes when things just click… OK, I’m not defending the guy in this situation. In the 20 or so years I’ve known my wife I’ve never kissed another woman, but there are times my heart ached over one so I’ll never say never. I will never purposefully seek out another, but I can’t rule out all possibilities that it could happen.

    So I’ll say that he is in the wrong and she has every right to be angry, once her heartbreak is over, yet I understand how it happened.

    For her, well, I can only say, “I’m sorry it happened,” and hope she finds someone who is worthy but single.

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  2. Sounds like a good romance story… ❤

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  3. Well, I could almost say that you’ve been talking to one of nieces because she is in a very similar situation. The guy is her Boss and has been in a long term relationship for nearly 20 years. He lives in Cardiff, his partner lives in London, but comes down to Cardiff most weekends.

    Recently, when ever we speak to my niece about the fact that she is wasting her life away by thinking he is going to give up his long term partner, she ends it with him, but within weeks he has managed to talk her around again and promises to end it with his long term partner. That’s happened about five times, and the latest is that he can not end it because his partner may harm herself if he calls it a day with her.

    I could go on, but we all feel my niece should find another job and get away from him, and whilst she has attempted to do that, she always goes back to that job and him. This, by the way, has been going on for last three years.

    This is a tough one, Eloise.

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    • That’s my big fear Hugh. Do men ever leave their partners for the women that excite them enough to cheat? Or do they carefully balance the emotional blackmail enough to enjoy two worlds? I hope I have good news about this later this week. We will see. What are you going to do about your niece? Does the other woman have her suspicions?

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      • In the case of my niece, I think the guy involved is doing the latter. However, we’ve even told her that even if he did leave his longtime partner for her then a Leopard never changes its spots and I’ve since found out the guy has done this sort of thing before and been caught by his long term partner in the act!

        But my niece is 35 years old (as she keeps reminding us) and is a fully grown adult. She’ll make her own decisions even if it breaks the hearts of her family to see that she is making such a dreadful mistake.

        I don’t think his partner suspects at the moment. They’ve been very careful, so my niece says, but I wonder how long it will be before they let their guard down?

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      • Oh no, that sounds awful. She is well and truly caught up in the web. There’s no happy ending to my tale either. The guy just ignored her today and didn’t acknowledge her at all. He’s chosen his girlfriend and dropped this girl to the curb.

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      • Well, just hoping she won’t go back when he comes back tail between his legs saying nice things again. That’s what has happened with my niece and she still goes back for more, only to be let down again.

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