I hate shopping! Yes, I am one of those people that grumble if I have to stay for longer than half an hour in the shopping mall, dragging my poor carcass from one glitzy waste of space to another.
Don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the odd spot of shopping for something necessary or drifting through when there are a few minutes to kill before an appointment, but mindless hours of walking to and fro drives me crazy. Ladies wear, children’s crap, men’s rubbish…smelliest smellies and more junk to fill the house.
Did I ever tell you about my island? Okay, it might sound crazy but hear me out. I always imagine what I would do if the world ended, or we crashed onto a deserted island without our normal supplies, lotions and potions, etc. Now for the average woman, she would have to be dropped on that island with a magic suitcase filled with all the products she uses to defy gravity, age and weight. Once that magic runs out, the slow process of deterioration would start to show. A huge fear of mine – looking one way and then pulling off the mask to frighten the masses! That’s why I don’t bother with the lotions and potions and go au naturale as often as possible.
I know! I know! Some products are necessary and makes us feel more confident. Most don’t. They are capable of only so much and once you run out or production is stopped, you’re back to square one. Back to my island scenario. If I am thrown on that island, my priorities will be survival. Shelter, food, safety. In my case are matches or a lighter, duct tape, Swiss Army knife, brush, manicure set, batteries and tissues. Obviously warm clothes would be great and weather proofs essential, but probably wouldn’t fit in the average handbag. In reality, my satchel carries pretty much the same stuff. If possible I don’t even carry a bag unless absolutely necessary. Flashbacks of four kids and packing for them might be the reason for this.
Now back to shopping. My daughter loves bags, shoes, tops, bottoms, ear rings and worst of all…lip balms. Sixteen flavours are not enough and Claire’s Accessories is an essential stopover for every blasted shopping trip. Can you hear me groaning from where you are? Add half an hour trawling to Sally’s Hairy Weary Products looking at fake eyelashes, brows, moustache removers and hairy fairy products that blurred after a while. Nail polishes that come in all colours and flavours and sparkles or no sparkles. Yes, I did enjoy looking at them, but I was crying for us to leave after she made me look at these weird curler things you have to wear to bed to make your hair curly. Why people? Why spend all that time when your hair is perfect anyway? You don’t agree with me? Well, as we left they had jars of ‘Bed Head’! What the hell is bed head? Wake me up and I’ve got bed head. After the children stop laughing, it is rearranged into some semblance of order. Maybe I should stop styling and just claim I’m wearing bed head.
Whilst walking through the endless aisles I look at all the pretty things and ask myself if they would fit into my bag, or on the island. The answer is usually no. I ask myself if I want to fill my hands with all those goodies that will plague my house and leave me with little room to move. That’s enough incentive to walk on and leave the temptations behind.
Unfortunately my daughter doesn’t share the same sentiment. That youthful enthusiasm, joy for shiny things and girly delights made her drag me around town for nearly two hours!! Two hours I will never get back. After turning into a tired, petulant child, she dragged me out and allowed me to cash in our parking meter card to escape the bright, glossy glass prison. Phew. I could breathe again.
If you ever meet me in town, don’t be drawn in by my bright smile and interested look. Underneath the false façade, I’m dying! Be kind and come save me. Find a green patch far from the glass prisons and set me free!
Until then, I’m going to find the type of glass I like…one filled with Merlot or Chardonnay whilst I recover from today’s trek with my shopaholic daughter.