Writing 101 – Day Four: Loss

Have you ever lost somebody you really loved? I suppose everyone feels differently from the loss. The five stages of mourning are quoted from the veteran mourners; the young dismiss the whole idea of loss as trivial. I’ve lost loved ones and mourned the lack of their presence in my life. I’ve bounced back. It might sound cold but life does go on.

If I had to pick a moment that raises its head from the memory bank, it would have to be the trivial loss of my boyfriend! Hands up, head down, I admit I went a little crazy. We agreed to amicably break off a two year relationship. We smiled and kissed goodbye promising to be friends. It was so civilised. Until the air got to the wound.

I can’t lie to you and say I was ever really in control of my emotions. At the age of twenty I was as mature as a four year old. My life had been so wrapped around my boyfriend (we shall call him Krog!) it was very hard to adapt to living without him. Seeing him happily traipsing around with his posse of friends and their groupies got me thinking…why the hell had I wasted all this time with him? Denial! He was weak, okay looking, yes a gentleman, but still weak. I had the world before me and I could take what I wanted. Patience was definitely not one of my virtues.

The first big choice was to join a martial arts group of dubious boys who assumed they were god’s gift to mankind. Joining their bad ass group made me feel empowered and I ended up going out with one of them. My reasons for doing this: it drove my mother crazy to see me walking around with a guy that looked like he was dressed from a beggar’s hand-me-downs and it burnt my ex’s butt when he saw us together at the nightclub. This phase didn’t last long as my big brother stepped in and had a quiet chat with the guy. I saw very little of him after that and lessons were abruptly ended!

My second big decision was to start crying. I spent days and nights with puffy eyes writing sad, depressing poetry. It felt so raw and liberating to pour my soul over paper. My best friend couldn’t bear it and dragged me everywhere with her. She had found a boyfriend and needed to share the love. I resented her for it.

Since this period seemed to last for weeks, out of her wisdom, she set me up on a blind date. Great! Puffy eyes, lack of sleep and so many more poems waiting to be dialogued and I’m set up. We pitch up at the movies and she drops the bombshell that her boyfriend and a friend of his are waiting for us upstairs. Options: leave the place and find a bus home to my safe crying zone or stay and deal with it. Then I saw him.

There was Grog and the posse approaching to watch the same movie. Grog had his hand around a groupie who happened to be my old friend from school. I wanted to shrivel up and die. My heart vacated its position and hid behind my kidneys. I thought I had mourned my loss enough but his appearance with a new love destroyed me again.

With my back straight, my head held up high, the next phase of mourning kicked in. Anger. I strutted up to my blind date and treated him to a full dose of sarcasm, annoyance and anger. He dealt with it as though I was a wayward child. My rudeness left absolutely no dents in his confidence. At the end of the evening he asked me out again. I was flabbergasted. Why would he come back for more punishment? I explained in no uncertain terms that I was broken hearted, pointing out Grog and his new squeeze.

This guy smiled and said, “Well, I’ve seen you around for a long time with Grog. I always wanted to say hi but never had the guts to. Now that Mimi has introduced us, I’m not going to lose my chance. Come out with me again!”

Have you ever lost somebody you really loved? I suppose everyone feels differently from the loss. The five stages of mourning are quoted from the veteran mourners, the young dismiss the whole idea as trivial. I’ve lost loved ones and mourned the lack of their presence in my life. I’ve bounced back. It might sound cold but life does go on.

That’s what I did. I bounced back.

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