Writing 101, Day Eight: Death to Adverbs

Nose picker. He digs better than any diamond miner I’ve known. Stern expression, motivated fat fingers with a pinky in the air. Eurgh! I gag and turn to watch headphones with a pimply teenager attached. Bump! Pity he can’t see where he’s going with his ears pounded by hip-hop crap. Pinking cheeks give away his embarrassment hidden under the extra bounce in his stride.

Four power suits walk past sucking the fresh air from around me. Cologne permeates every pore leaving the dense scent of musky Torchwood mixed with Beckham. I gag again. The door opens and my torture is relieved by the breath of fresh air wafting in. Pretty pink hat, yellow sundress with flowers and white sandals squeak across the polished floor. Eyes turn and watch the flower as she waits her turn at the till.

“Chocolate frappaccino with hazel nut sprinkles please,” a soft voice murmurs to the barista.

Everyone seems to sigh at the breathless beauty. Even the coffee grains release a heady perfume turning the room into Nirvana. The barista grins and serves an extra helping of hazel nut sprinkles accompanied by a wink for the flower dress.

We all smile at the cheeky wink, catching each other’s eyes as we wait to glimpse the beauty’s facade. We sit and watch, the audience in the coffee house. She turns, flowers drifting as she floats to the sugar counter. The gurgling baby sitting at table sixteen catches her attention. We wait with baited breath.

Lips peel back displaying a perfect set of dimples and…eww! Yellow teeth, big gaping holes, black fillings!

We all return to our day, waiting for the next distraction!

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10 responses to “Writing 101, Day Eight: Death to Adverbs

  1. Wow, you have a way with words. I was there, waiting in line just behind you. Should have left that sugar alone flower girl πŸ˜‰

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  2. I love your writing! Not convinced you hit the mark on eliminating adverbs, but I love it. Keep writing like that!

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  3. Great post, very descriptive, I was there watching the headphones as well, and the gap toothed flower girl. Really great imagery!

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  4. good work πŸ™‚

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  5. Clean and clear I could smell those aromas,, I think I would have coughed a little as well.. πŸ˜‰

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  6. It sounds like you had just as much fun writing yours as I had writing mine, check it out! http://jesstory.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/writing-101-day-eight-death-to-adverbs/

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