My view of the world through the childish eyes of youth have changed so drastically over the years. Corruption of age, due to experience and the different flavours of disappointment reduce the value of innocence and the clarity of the view. I wonder sometimes what would have happened if I had given my son the opportunity to be home schooled as he requested. Already an anti-social character demanding the spotlight be solely left on him, he has argued with me that his teenage tantrums and horrendous behaviour is due to the environment I “plonked” him into for the past eight years. Apparently it’s my fault for allowing him to go to school with misfits holding no moral value and the tediousness of supporting their corrupt behaviour whilst he continuously got beaten up for standing up for honour. I salute his arguments and silently acknowledge that he’s right, but my own disillusioned eyes favour the social norm and force him back into the fray to learn to survive, gaining his cynical if somewhat pessimistic view on life and his future with his fellow students who he claims aren’t friends but people he has to tolerate on a daily basis.
I wish I could lie to him and say I had a Rosie childhood filled with laughter and happiness. But the reality is I felt like him growing up; the misfit, the one who stood out for not being attractive enough, not being sporty enough, too awkward to warrant attention. The few friends I had would drop me like a hot potato as soon as someone more interesting happened along. I grew to like my own quirky company and books were my escape to a more friendly reality. Writing lovely depressing poems and stories to fill my desperate need to belong to society has pushed me to the chosen path of writing. Watching people or people watching as a child amused me and fills my work with lovely descriptions, noting the somewhat wanting behaviour of humans in general.
Yes, I know. I’m a sad, lame character with dreams of shirking my warped vision of life on earth. The poison that filters through the systems craves an outlet in the form of words and I encourage my son to do the same. He has founds books, like me, as a comfort and seems drawn to the Japanese life and culture. His main attraction is anime at the moment. Before, Darren Shan ruled his world! I’m more of a Stephen King kind of gal and appreciate the cynical humour running the the veins of his book. One day, hopefully, my characters will touch an audience the same way he does and I will find my people – they racy, dreamers who fill their days watching others and waiting to see what new developments shake their lives. The people that take note of all the discrepancies in societies and their cultures and wonder when we will ever get things right!
When that time comes, maybe I will be embraced into a new society, a world where our vision is not tainted as we grow, our rose tinted glasses enhance rather than distort our view. A world where the innocence of youth can grow further than the three years it’s given, before babies are dumped in nurseries to find “friendship, culture and social skills” that literally wipe out any good morals that were instilled before their attendance. My cynical nature will of course be wiped out and happiness will reside where loneliness, fear and hurt were embedded for a lifetime.